вторник, 2 август 2011 г.

Real life? What else do you expect?

What is the "real life"? Is it an adventure or is it a boring day to day life? Or is it,as somebody had said, what happens while we are making other plans? I must admit that I have no answer for this question. Sometimes I have the feeling that every day is a shiny new pearl to a collection of bright jewels, sometimes I have the feeling that world that surrounds me is grey and boring and worse - I feel like it is trying to make me grey and boring. Sometimes I have the feeling I forget who am I and that I am trying to live the life of somebody else. Sometimes I wonder who that somebody else is - the bright, smiley girl, who thinks that she can have the world, or the quiet, dreamy girl, who prefer to be left alone to live with her imagination. How these two can be the same person?
I am starting to think that the question isn't what the real life is, but what the real life can give me? Or more likely what can I take from the real life as nothing is ever given freely? But to answer that question one must now what his goals are.
So what my goal are? Do I want to be rich or smart or popular or have a big family? Let's start with being rich. Can money be a goal in life? For some people maybe, for me.... no, I don't think so. I see the money more likely as an instrument than anything else. Now let's see the big family thing. Do I want a big family? Hm... no, I am a person who often gets moody. In moments like this I want to be left alone and even a single person around drives me nuts what to say about a lot of people. Do I want to be smart? Yes, sure. Smart about what? Emotions, money, people, life? I want to be smart or more likely I want people to think that I am smart but this sounds like depending on somebody else's opinion about myself. So can this be my goal in life? Thanks, but no thanks! I don't (want to) care what do you think of me! Do I want to be popular? Popular with what? I am not an actress and I don't want to be, I am not a singer and I don't want to be, I am not a royalty and I don't want to be. Do I want to be popular? No, this is not me!
So what my goal in life is? I guess it is to be just me!